Self Discovery and The Best Souvenir

How my last trip to Iceland helped me answer the question, “Who am I?”

Every fellow traveler is a friend waiting to be made.
Author unknown

Why Do You Travel

Chances are if you landed on this page it is because you have either visited Iceland or are thinking about it. My father is a traveler. At eighty four years old he continues to travel the world, visiting places like Italy, Turkey, Falkland Islands, and Israel. When he arrives home from a trip he plans the next one. He has stated he enjoys seeing the sights, but that he mostly enjoys immersing himself in the culture of foreign places. I have lost count how many times he has mentioned the time he had a traditional Finnish dinner on a farm in Finland. This sentiment is not exclusive to just him.

According to statistics most people travel to learn about cultures. Exposure to other parts of the world teaches us things like compassion, humanity, understanding, and also creates a sense of “oneness” with our fellow human being.

Awareness of other human beings also leads to awareness of self. Perhaps this is why we see so many people abandoning their current lives to go “find themselves” somewhere foreign to them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can tell of how through repeated travel to this island in the Atlantic led to a whole lotta self discovery.

When my trip to Norway in 2021 was canceled due to Covid restrictions I booked a ten day camper trip to Iceland. My knowledge of the country was limited and as I began researching what sights to see I was in awe. Cascading waterfalls, black sand beaches, other worldly lava formations, majestic mountain peaks, glaciers which shone like diamonds, and puffins! It was all so beautiful. Little did I know this was just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended) of what this little island would gift me. I sense it is just the beginning.

Experience, Don’t Expect

It was early evening in late August when I took a seat beside three strangers at Midgard Basecamp in Hvolsvöllur, Iceland. Intent on downloading the day’s photos taken during an epic hike at Þorsmork (courtesy of Midgard Adventure), I plugged away on my Macbook as the couple across from me struggled to send their daughter photos. The other stranger, an older gentleman, who also happened to be a guide, sat in silence observing the room.

Eventually the guide spoke, opening the conversation with parallels of Icelandic and Germanic folklore and how story weaver JRR Tolkien was inspired by the tales of gods ands heroes- what is known only as myth today.

Being a mythology buff myself, this intrigued me, and so the four of us delved down the fascinating rabbit hole of eddic poetry. Eventually the couple left to attend dinner leaving me and my new found German guide friend to whittle away at more mythology talk.

Somehow the conversation turned to a topic allot more serious; the purpose of our lives. I am unsure how we arrived there. Perhaps if was when I expressed my love for Iceland or when he shared the sentiment and how he ended up there.

For the next hour I sat and listened to him deliver the most profound life wisdom I have ever heard. Tears welled in my eyes and I feared he would see my emotion, but I was too enthralled to feel ashamed. He must have sensed my interest, because he continued to talk, opening up about his personal journey to self discovery.

As he spoke, I recalled a moment that took place just a few days ago at the Arctic Henge. I had traveled there on some bizarre premonition I had a few years ago that I would see the Northern Lights there. I spent the early part of the night wrapped in blankets in the center of the Henge asking whoever is listening to us in the big wide universe all sorts of questions. Why am I? What is my purpose? What am I doing with my life? What is the meaning of this?

I will never forget how peaceful it was there, like I had been whisked away to some outer realm where worry did not exist. Around midnight the sky danced green and I sat for two hours watching in tears. I couldn’t tell if I was in more awe or disbelief that somehow I had predicted this moment.

Now here I was sitting across from a stranger who was answering every question I had asked. How was this possible? He then spoke about expectations and experience. “When people come on vacation they expect,” he said. “This is not good.”

Although I tried my best not to do this, I knew on some level I had. Busying myself with photographs and rushing from place to place left room to just “be” and enjoy. Expecting is an unhealthy habit and detracts from the practice of mindfulness which is related to experiencing joy. Expectation inevitably leads to disappointment or waiting for the next thing. When you expect you are not living in the moment, open to what it has to offer you. I think the same philosophy can be applied to many areas of life, people included.

He then when on to talk about purpose and how only we know what our purpose is and finding it can sometimes require a little of trial and error. If we try to force something to work, over time we will become uncomfortable with it. He used an old German saying about a shoe. “If you wear a pair of shoes but they don’t fit quite right over time they will begin to hurt your feet. This will create more and more misery until you can no longer ignore it. So you have to decide what you are willing to settle for in life, because nothing is perfect. And what your purpose is? Is it fame? To be wealthy? To make this world a better place? Only you can answer that.”

And those were his last words to me. Following the conversation I sat in silence in my camper van for a long time reflecting on my trip thus far.

When I booked this trip I wanted it to change me, yet after that conversation I realized it was not change I needed but to know myself better. What brings me joy? When I am my happiest? When do I feel authentic? What do I need, want, desire?

Through the trip I had joyful moments, as well as sad ones. My emotions were as ever-changing as Iceland’s otherworldly landscapes. Joy, excitement, sadness, loneliness, amusement, happiness, they all had reason. What would we learn if our journeys were easy?

I didn’t get the change I asked for, but I did discover who I am.

What I Discovered

Hiking Fimmvorðuhals is always better with friends

Self discovery is not all rainbows and sunshine. Pictures depicting my smile face as I ascended a trail in Þorsmork, or disembarked on a boat ride to Hornstrandir were plastered all over my social media, yet this did not reflect the entire reality of my experience. Yes, I had many happy moments, and I learned allot through those too, but it was through the harder days I discovered who I am and what is important to me.

Here are some, not all, (I sense this list will grow as time passes) of what I discovered….You might relate to some of these or I hope, be inspired!

That expectation is different from experience. When we set out on an adventure, whether that be to a new destination, or familiar, we should leave all expectations behind and be open to experience. Expectation inevitably leads to two places, disappointment or a mindset of seeking “what is next”, instead of mindfulness and appreciation of the present moment. When we expect we lose the moment and what it must show us. Instead of expecting we need to simply experience. What has this moment taught me, good or bad, and what joy can I find it it?

I discovered I need allot less than I thought I did to be happy. Living in a camper van teaches you how to appreciate the little things. Every hot shower was bliss and every washing machine was a treasure. Joy is plopping 400 IDK krona in a box and feeling that first spray of hot water on your cold, tired body or taking your once gross, now clean, hiking clothes out of a dryer.

I discovered that laying in the grass to photograph foxes brings me great joy, so much that I hardly noticed hours had passed and my stomach was growling. This was huge for me because I love food. Prolonging that first bite of a Ástarpungar (an Icelandic donut) to take just one more shot of those critters was a huge deal. Read more about Moðrudalur here https://anowliniceland.wordpress.com/2023/09/15/an-unforgettable-oasis-in-icelandic-traditions/

I discovered that a good hard cry does wonders, even if you don’t solve much. Honor all your emotions, even the ones that are unpleasant.

I discovered that stepping into the past teaches us new found appreciation for a country, as well as humankind. The Laufas Heritage Museum in the North is one of my favorite stops. There you can tour old turf houses and step back into time to get a real picture of how 19^th century Iceland life was. It was harsh but inspiring. The invention of the turf house alone demonstrates the innovation, resourcefulness, and fortitude of the Icelandic people. I was fascinated with the coffee grinder. We always knew what was important!

I discovered that you should always listen to your intuition, it has allot to say. It was my intuition that led me North to the Arctic Henge that night hoping I would see the Aurora Borealis. No gadgets No tracking apps. Intuition > Technology. Always.

I discovered that being alone sometimes translates to being lonely, and this is okay. This was a surprise to an introvert like myself. I crave my alone time to rest and recharge. Crowds give me anxiety and loud noises stress me out. I dread making small talk, preferring to talk about the mysteries of the world and life’s purpose. At the start of my trip I was parking my camper away from everyone. By the end I was on top of the other camper vans and making conversation with everyone from the campground warden to the strange man trying to read his book in peace in the kitchen. People make travel more interesting. You learn from people, share knowledge, laugh, appreciate what you are seeing, experience. Every encounter meant something to me and I will never forget a single person I met on my travels; Everyone from the lovely group of locals I toasted during sunset following a long hike, to the young boy who broke into my van for me when I locked my keys in it, to the woman who knitted the Lopapeysu I bought from her farm, to the old man in Raufarhofn I met who felt compelled to tell me about his daily walks, to my guide Sheridan who taught me which Arctic herbs to forage, to the fellow myth author I met at the hot springs and braved the cold Atlantic with, to the Swiss women living in her camper without a care in the world; Every single one made my trip what it ended up being about- people.

I discovered what compassion is. That this means understanding someone when their actions don’t make sense to you and understanding myself when I act foolish as well. Compassion and kindness always win.

I discovered that you cannot discover who you are without having some dark moments. This requires compassion, observation, and curiosity. We are all hurting to some degree. Acknowledging it and being kind to yourself is incredibly healing and empowering. So be kind to yourself, we are just human trying to make sense of this bizarre thing called life.

I discovered that a single sheep can really brighten my day.

I discovered I can survive on Icelandic hot dogs, fish soup, and bread just fine.

I discovered that hiking solo, although can be nice, is not nearly as memorable as hiking with a good group of people.

I discovered that if fear is the only thing holding me back from doing something then I should without a doubt do it. I had never driven a long way on an F road before. F-roads are Iceland’s mountain roads. They are passable only in the summer and require a 4 x 4 to manage. Some are more difficult than others while some require experience and great care to manage. I had rented a 4 x 4 for this very reason, I wanted the freedom to take the “road less traveled.” The day arrived when I needed to go from North to South and maps suggested the fastest way would be via the Kjalvegur (F35). Kjalvegur is classified as. beginner F road devoid of any river crossings. I was still nervous. 290 km alone in the Icelandic highlands?! Before embarking I made sure I had plenty of fuel and time. This ended up being one of my most memorable days in Iceland with a stop at the geothermal area halfway. The landscapes were phenomenal and it was easy to slow down and just “enjoy the ride.” So if fear is holding you back from something yet you are qualified and prepared, do the thing.

**(It’s important to note most rental car companies do not allow vehicles to be driven on F-roads unless it is a 4 x 4 so please check. your agreement. Always check vedur.is for weather and road conditions and check with a local before attempting an F- road)

I discovered even a small gift, or kind gesture can go a long way in creating big friendships. Friendships can be your best souvenir.

Snack break at the start of Fimmvorðuhals

What Will You Discover?

In closing I learned that besides a map and a passport, one of the most valuable things you can bring on a trip is an open mind and curiosity for self and other people. I may not have changed but I did receive what I needed. Wealth can often be defined in memories and friendships, and for that I do feel richer.

Happy travels wherever they may take you, around the world and through yourself.